His Favorite Season
by mattydubsismygod
Summary: really old story, but I just found chapter 8 on my computer, so recently updatedSeth left...sailed away. What happens when he returns? Hackeneyed scenario, I totally know. But hopefully this will be somewhat original. Major SS. RM too, but not the fo
1. His Favorite Season

A/N: Don't own it…you know the drill.

* * *

Summer was his favorite season. And his favorite girl. Summer made everything beautiful. The season did, and so did the girl. She was incredible. She was perfect, his dream girl.

And that was why he couldn't stand the thought of her leaving him. It was bound to happen. It was because of Ryan that they were together in the first place. Summer hadn't even noticed him until Ryan came along, hadn't looked twice…hadn't known his name. So it followed, logically speaking, that after Ryan left, Summer would too. Seth wouldn't sit around and wait for that to happen.

* * *

_Sum,_

_I love you. I wish I could say that in person, but I can't, Summer. Just know it. Know it every day, feel it every night. You are so wonderful, so incredible, so beautiful. And I love you. Don't forget me._

_Always,_

_Seth_

Don't forget him? Don't forget him. How could she forget him? Ever? Why would he write _that?_ He was coming back, right? There was no reason to write that if he was coming back. Seth just needed a break. Some time to himself, away from Newport. He just needed to wrap his mind around Ryan leaving, and then he'd be back.

Summer was sure of it.

* * *

Summer was sure Seth was coming back. For a week, she'd gone about business as usual. Beach, shopping, tanning, hanging out with Marissa. For a week she'd been certain that he'd show up any second.

The week after that, she'd been pretty sure. She'd gone to lunch with her father, gone to a charity gala with Marissa. She'd racked up a few thousand in new clothes and bathing suits, and she'd been sure to come home every night, because Seth might show up at her house looking for her.

The third week, she was getting annoyed. How much time did he need, anyway? Now she didn't leave much at all, because if she did, she might miss him.

Before she knew it, Seth had been gone for a month. And Summer was pissed. Her stupid, pansy-ass boyfriend couldn't stand Newport without _his _boyfriend? Fuck that.

The transition from pissed to sad and scared was a smooth one. She found a new best friend in a box of tissues. From time to time she joined Marissa in drinking away her troubles. She watched the saddest episodes of The Valley until she knew every line, could map out every tear, on the faces of the actors, and on her own.

* * *

He would be back in a week. He just needed some time.

Well, maybe two. Because there was more time to think in two weeks than in one. And he had a lot of thinking to do.

But the only thinking he seemed to be able to do was thinking about Summer. About her cascade of dark brown hair, as it grazed his skin, as it danced through his fingertips. About her eyes, big, wide pools of chocolatey brown, so telling of her every emotion. About her skin, smooth and silky-soft like velvet…

He couldn't stop thinking about her. And he needed some more time, because he had other things to think about.

* * *

It was August. Almost time to get back to school. And time for Summer's birthday. She'd spent the last two weeks helping Marissa plan her surprise party, and _not_ thinking about Seth Cohen. Ryan was helping them too, Ryan had been coming back to Newport a lot, staying nights at the Cohen's, hanging out with Marissa and Summer. It was clear that he wasn't happy in Chino, he didn't want to be living there again. He had a job working construction, and every time he had a day off, he spent it in Newport.

Luckily for Marissa's liver, Ryan's presence was doing wonders for her drinking, slowing her down considerably. They were "dating" again. They were "trying to make it work." And Marissa was much, much happier for it. Even though she was endlessly paranoid about him going home to Theresa so often.

"Okay, so the guest list is done," Marissa said. "275 of your closest friends will be there." She dropped her pencil, just having finished cross referencing the invite list with the piles of RSVPs. "Only ten people aren't coming, Sum. That's pretty impressive."

"Especially considering we've been hibernating since like, last December," Summer sighed, rolling onto her back. "I mean, I haven't been to a good party in so long, Coop."

"I know," Marissa replied, glancing up from her to-do list. "Okay, the caterers are confirmed, Hailey is taking care of the alcohol, we're having it at Caleb's and my mom's while they're in Rome…um, I hired someone to set up and clean up so we don't have to worry about it…what else?"

Summer smiled. Social Chair Marissa was back in action. It suited her. "Um, outfits?" She said. "Coop, let's go shopping!"

"Sum, we don't need to shop. We both have about twenty different things we _could_ wear. What about your Chanel? And I'll wear that-"

"Ohmigosh, Marissa!" Summer cried, sitting up and pressing her palm to her best friend's forehead. "Are you sick? Delirious? Because I could have sworn you just said that we don't need to go shopping."

Marissa smiled, removed Summer's hand. "Yeah, okay. We'll hit the South Coast Plaza."

"Good," Summer said. "Because it is my birthday, damnit. And I am going to look hot!"

Marissa shook her head. "You will, sweetie. You will."

* * *

Seth would be back just in time for Summer's birthday. He'd given up on "thinking." It was a sign that all he could think about was her. He had to go back to her. He loved her deeply. He missed her even more. He _had_ to make it in time for her birthday. That was the best present he thought he could give. And she would _never_ forgive him for missing her eighteenth, assuming of course, that she ever forgave him for any of this debacle.

Luckily, the winds seemed to agree with him. They were on his side, and got him home just in time. The morning before her birthday. He stumbled into his house, exhausted. His parents were there, sipping coffee, reading the paper, eating bagels.

"Seth!" His mother cried. "Seth, honey!" She rushed at him, crushed him with a hug of more force than he knew she possessed.

They weren't going to ground him, because he'd been responsible about his disappearance, he'd been safe, he'd kept in touch. That, and they were too relieved of his return to ground him. They wanted him to put his life back together.

"Ryan's going to be here soon," Sandy said. "He's coming today to help Summer and Marissa with the party. He won't leave until the day after tomorrow. So you boys can have some time, to talk. Work it out. You didn't exactly part on good terms, did you?"

"He's been home a lot, honey," Kirsten said. "He's been staying overnight…he's not happy with Theresa. Maybe you could help him work something else out? Help him sort through this situation. He needs someone to talk to. And he doesn't seem to be able to let that someone be Sandy or me."

Seth nodded. "What party?"

"Summer's birthday party," Sandy said. "Her surprise party."

"Are you…are you thinking you might want to go?" Kirsten asked.

Seth shrugged. "I don't know," he sighed. "Just, show up? At her birthday party?"

"It would probably make her night, sweetie."

"Yeah, or induce a rage blackout of epic proportions," Seth muttered. Kirsten stared, somewhat blankly. "Never mind," he sighed. "She's going to be so pissed." It was a lose-lose situation. She'd be pissed if he did go, but she'd be pissed if she found out he was back home and _didn't _go.


	2. Surprise

Surprise.

Was it ever.

Not because she didn't know about the party...duh. Surprise party or not, it was Summer's idea.

No, surprise-Cohen was there. At her fucking birthday party. Just, standing there, smiling like an idiot. Shit. She was going to cry. It was like there were two Summers. One who wanted to leap into his arms and smother him with kisses. And one who wanted to beat the shit out of him. But both of those Summers wanted to burst into tears.

So she ignored him.

"Oh my God!" She shrieked, feigning shock and delight. "Coop!" She turned to Marissa and threw her arms around her. "Did you know he was going to be here?" She hissed. "If this is your idea of-"

"I swear, Sum," Marissa whispered. "I had no idea."

Summer broke apart from Marissa and set about greeting the guests. Someone passed her a mohito and she decided it was the perfect night to get very, very drunk.

* * *

"She's getting drunk!" Seth cried, smacking the table in front of him. He looked at Ryan. "She's talking to anyone and everyone _but_ me. She kissed that idiot Stephen Chestnut! She won't even come within fifteen feet of me, and now she's getting drunk and making out with other guys! I'm not going to be able to talk to her at _all_ tonight." 

"Seth," Ryan said. "You messed up, and now you're going to have to suck it up and deal with it."

"Way to be supportive, man," he muttered.

Marissa strolled up to them then, a tight smile on her face and a plastic cup of something in her hand. She gave Seth a quick hug. "Hey, you're back." She looked at Ryan. Well, kind of glared at him, actually. "He's back," she said, through gritted teeth. "You didn't tell me." _Tell me_ was what she said. _Warn me_ was what she meant.

"I didn't know, Marissa," Ryan said.

"Is she going to talk to me?" Seth asked.

Marissa frowned. "It's her birthday party, Seth. You show up, on her eighteenth birthday. She wanted to have a good night. And then, _you_ showed up."

"That's kind of harsh," Ryan said.

Marissa shrugged. "Yeah, and really kind of true. You're such a jerk, Seth, for bailing on her. She like, _loved_ you. Seriously, and you just up and left? She's been messed up about it."


	3. I'm Sorry

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys. I appreciate it. Unfortunately, I am the most unreliable writer in existance…so I might post like, every night for a stretch and then be on an unannounced hiatus for another. I'll try to be good though, and thanks again, I totally adore reviews.

* * *

Summer was in the kitchen, refilling a bowl with potato chips. She'd wanted to get drunk, but after two and a half drinks, she lost all will to keep going. The bag of chips was popped open and emptied them into the bowl. She looked up, and there he was. Seth _fucking_ Cohen. She almost dropped the bowl.

"Hey Sum." His voice was soft, and yet it was all she could hear. All of the noise of the party faded, the people blurred. All she could see, all she could hear, was him.

"Seth," she said stiffly.

He was walking toward her, crossing the large kitchen, getting nearer and nearer to her. Summer's breath caught in her throat. She put down the bowl, and wiped her sweating palms on the soft, swishy material of her white dress. She'd called him Seth on purpose. Cohen was the boy she knew, the boy she loved. Cohen was the one who'd stood on a coffee cart to declare his love for her. Cohen was the one who'd named a boat after her, a gesture so oddly sweet she'd never quite been able to wrap her head around it. But it was _Seth_ who'd sailed awa from her. It was Seth who'd abandoned her. That was the only logical explanation.

He was inches away from her now. He put his hands on her curvy hips, gently pulled her body close, until it was pressed up against his. "Happy birthday," he said. "I love you."

She was silent for some time, unable to get a grasp on any of the thousand thoughts tumbling through her mind. Seth moved his hands from her hips to her back, drawing her into a hug. His arms felt so _good_, so familiar. She pressed her cheek to his shoulder, instinctively. How _easy_ it was to slip back into old habits. Time passed, she didn't know how much, everything around her was a haze. His hands were running through the mass of curls she'd twisted her hair into. His other hand rubbed her back in big, slow circles. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his voice bringing tears to her eyes. "I never should have left you, Sum. I'm so sorry." She closed her arms tighter around him, grabbing onto her own wrist to secure them. "Please, Summer, please…"

"Please what, Seth?" She asked, her voice hoarse.

"Forgive me," he said, nearly begging.

"Forgive you…" she murmured. "Forgive you?"

"Yes," he said, kissing the top of her head. "Yes, Summer baby please. Please forgive me."

"Cohen," she said. "I…" she began, unsure of how exactly to express what she was feeling. Part love, part betrayal, part anger, part relief…how was there room in such a small body for so much feeling? "I…" I what? I missed you? I love you? I want you back?

"Summer!" Someone was calling. "Sum, where are you? We sooo need to talk." It was Marissa, who then appeared in the kitchen.

"Oh!" She cried, seeing the two of them. Seeing the two of them, together. "Sorry, guys. Sum, just find me later. I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You're not," Summer said, pulling herself away from Seth. She ran her fingers through her hair, straightening out what he had tangled. She adjusted her dress and grabbed Marissa's hand, pulling her friend out, completely forgetting about the chips.

* * *

A/N: Yeah, my chapters are short. Hopefully they'll get longer for ya'll…but shorter chapters _does_ mean more frequent updates ;) 


	4. He Makes Me Feel

"She _hates_ me," Seth moaned to Ryan. "She _hates_ me, man."

"Did she yell?" Ryan asked. Seth shook his head no. "Hit?" Again, no. "Bite?"

"No!" Seth cried. "It's just…_God_. You should have seen the look she gave me. Like…like she's never been hurt so much in her life. Like I…like I broke her heart.

"You pretty much did," Ryan said. "I dunno, Seth. From what Marissa's told me, from what Summer's _shown_, you really did a number on her."

Seth flopped back into the couch cushions. "Shit," he muttered. "What if…what if it's over?"

* * *

When the party wound down around three in the morning, only a few guests were left. Most had moved on to another rager, or headed somewhere to pass out. Summer and Marissa walked the house wearily, shooing people out. And then, only Ryan and Seth were left, lingering in the kitchen. 

"Coop," Summer pleaded. "Get rid of them, please? I-I can't talk to him right now."

"You know you have to eventually, right?" Marissa asked, lightly grazing Summer's arm with her fingertips.

Summer nodded, feeling tears sting her eyes. Seth would _not_ see her cry. "Please," she said, desperation creeping into her voice. "Marissa, please just-"

She was cut off when Ryan and Seth rounded the corner and joined them. "Hey," Ryan said. "Happy birthday, Sum. I don't think I've told you that yet."

"Thanks," she said. "And thanks again for all your help with the party."

"It was no problem," he said dismissively. He glanced at Seth, you was outright _staring_ at Summer. She could actually _feel_ it, like his eyes were boring into her flesh.

"So," Marissa said. "Thanks for coming, guys. Sum and I have been trying to clear people out, so…" Marissa trailed off, obviously searching for a polite way to send them off, and hoping they got the message in the meantime.

"Thanks for coming," Summer said again, echoing Marissa's former words. She couldn't really come up with any of her own. "Goodnight." And Seth too had yet to contribute to this impromptu exchange.

"Summer," Seth said. He reached out, grabbed her arm. Summer's eyes met his, and he was like, _crying._ Like, there were actual tears in his eyes.

She had to look away. She was fighting her own tears now, and had to pull away her arm to keep from crying. "Goodnight," she whispered, reclaiming her arm. She hugged it to her chest. Seth made her _feel_. He really made her _feel_, like nobody else ever had before, and it always surprised her, always threw her off. "C'mon Coop," she said, turning her gaze to her best friend. "There's probably a threesome going on in Julie and Caleb's room…we should take care of that." Marissa smiled.

"Yeah, okay," she said. She leaned in to receive a tame little kiss on the cheek from Ryan before she and Summer turned away.

* * *

The girls went to bed. Summer lay there, her pillow bunched under her head. He was back. Seth had come home. And it was clear that he wanted things to back to the way they were, but it didn't seem conceivable to Summer. He'd left...there was a three-month gap in her life- in her _heart_. And it didn't feel possible to bridge that gap. He'd _left_ her, and that was...inexcusable. Unforgivable. She closed her eyes, unable to think about Seth Cohen for one more millisecond that night.

* * *

Grr. Another short one…but it's well past my bedtime and it's been a long day…So! I'll catch ya'll on the flip side…and as always, reviews make me smile! 


	5. Okay

"So!" Summer chirped the next morning. "What's on the agenda for today, Coop? How about shopping and lunch at the South Coast Plaza. Or Fashion Island? We haven't been there in awhile."

"I'm supposed to meet Ryan for lunch," Marissa said, looking apologetic. "He's going back to Chino today…" the look of apology faded, replaced by one that was more self-pitying.

"Oh," Summer said. "Okay. That's cool."

"Do you want to come?" Marissa asked. "I don't want to leave you alone now. You were totally there for me when Ryan left…" she got that dreamy look on her face again, the one that always seemed to show up when Ryan Atwood was mentioned. And just as suddenly, she snapped back to attention. "You know what?" She said. "I'll skip it. Ryan'll be back soon, and you need me now. We'll go shopping."

But her offer was so unconvincing that Summer shook her head. "No. Go ahead and hang with Ryan. We'll do something later."

"Come with us," Marissa said, placing her hand on Summer's knee and squeezing it gently. "It'll be fun. It'll take your mind off of Seth."

"Just you and Ryan, right?" Summer asked. Marissa nodded. "Okay, I'll go."

"Great!" Marissa said, clapping her hands together. "We'll have lunch, then we'll go max out Caleb's credit card. Or, attempt to anyway." She shook her head. "Someday, Summer, I'll spend enough to hit that limit. Whatever it is."

* * *

"I _have _to talk to her," Seth moaned. "I _have_ to."

"Look," Ryan sighed. He was clearly growing weary of this conversation. He folded another tank top into his overnight bag. "Give it some time. She's pissed at you. It's not going to be something you can just, _fix_, you know? Sum's stubborn. She's a great girl, but she's damn hardheaded. It's not like you can just, snap your fingers and get her back."

Seth snapped. With his right hand, and then when his fingers started slipping around, with his left. "I can try," he muttered. "So, what's the plan today Ryan? You leave for Chino in a few hours…want to hit the comic book shop? I've put some quality Seth-Ryan time on the books."

"Actually…I was supposed to have lunch with Marissa today. At the Crab Shack."

Seth nodded. "Ah. I see. You know, I've had a lobster craving for quite some time now…a big red one…and steak fries…"

Ryan sighed. "Seth," he said, his voice a flat monotone. "Would you like to come to lunch with me and Marissa?"

* * *

"What is he _doing _here?!" Summer hissed, grabbing Marissa's arm. "Coop, you said it was just you and Ryan. Is this like, a sting-"

"Sum!" Marissa snapped, wrenching her arm back. "I'm on _your_ side, okay? So it would be really awesome if you would stop accusing me of trying to set you up with Seth Cohen. It _was_ supposed to be just me and Ryan at lunch, which is probably why he thought it was okay to bring Seth. He didn't know you were coming any more than I knew that Seth was. Which is not at all." They stopped walking. "I'm sorry Sum." But the sympathy in her voice was so saccharine that Summer wanted to vomit. She actually considered it, but decided it was too dramatic, even for her. "Do you want to leave?"

Summer shook her head. "No," she said. "Then I'd look, like, _totally_ immature." She sighed heavily, ran her hands through her hair, and looked at Marissa. "I look hot, right? I mean, Cohen's gonna _know_ what he sailed away from?"

"You look beautiful," Marissa reassured her. "Incredibly hot. Seth will be drooling."

Summer nodded and straightened her posture. They headed toward the outdoor table where the boys waited. Both rose and Summer and Marissa neared them. Ryan greeted Marissa with a slow, sweet kiss, and Seth tried to hug Summer. But she stiffened as he wrapped his arms around her, determined not to give him even that small satisfaction.

Just after ordering, Ryan excused himself to call Theresa. And Marissa suddenly had to go to the bathroom. "Ugh," Summer said, picking up a breadstick and tapping the edge of her plate with it. "Real subtle," she mumbled. "I swear to God, those two-"

"Are you ever gonna talk to me?" Seth asked.

Summer shrugged. "I don't know. Are you ever gonna invent a method to turn back time and _not_ sail away like a fucking coward?"

Seth shook his head, staring at his empty bread plate. "Summer…I can't tell you, how sorry I am…I mean it. Sum, I regretted leaving you behind the _second_ I left."

"Then why did you?" Summer whispered.

He exhaled. "It was…stupid. I was afraid that Newport was gonna be miserable all over again….Summer, you wouldn't even give me the time of day before Ryan showed up. You didn't even pay enough attention to tease me. You-"

"Don't. You. Dare." She said, her voice low and threatening. "Don't even _try_ to make this my fault, Cohen."

"I'm not," he sighed. He looked up, looked her straight in the eye. He reached across the table and covered her small hands with his. "Summer. Listen to me, please. I love you. I absolutely and one hundred percent love you, and what's more I am helplessly _in_ love with you. Please. I can't lose you. Sum, I'll do whatever you want, whatever it takes. But please, _please_…have me back?"

She was silent, dead silent. For far too long, long enough to make Seth uncomfortable. But she seemed to be finding her voice, summoning her courage. Finally, _finally_, "okay."

Okay? She'd just said _okay_? A grin overtook Seth's entire face, he stood up fast, topping his chair in the process. He pulled Summer to her feet, grabbed her. And he kissed her. An incredible, weak-in-the-knees romance novel kind of kiss. Oh _God._ He'd missed her so much.

* * *

A/N: A little appeasement for the S/S fans I hope? Heh. Well, fret not, we're far from through…there's plenty more drama in Newport. As always…your comments make me giddy. 


	6. Trust

"I totally and completely adore you."

She smiled slightly. "You're sweet." She flipped the page in her magazine, focusing her attention on an article about lipliner.

"Hmm," he said. "Lipliner, huh? I think, that lipliner can be a really good thing, you know, if used sparingly, and if it matches. That whole framing of the lips thing, with the dark brown liner just doesn't work for me. I suppose it has it's own, you know, ghetto-flava but-"

"Seth," Summer sighed. "You're rambling. I'm trying to read."

"You know what's more fun than reading?"

"What?" She turned the page again.

"Making out. With me."

Summer cocked her head slightly toward Seth and smiled. "Cohen," she giggled, as he reached over to tickle her. "Cohen, stop!" Artfully, he rolled on top of her. Hovering slightly above her lips, he brushed a stray piece of hair from her face.

"You're beautiful," he whispered. "So beautiful."

"Cohen," she began. He was incapable of tearing his eyes from hers. He braced himself for those three big words-the ones she still hadn't said. "I should get ready. We have to meet Coop and Chino in like, twenty-five minutes, and I need to do my hair."

Seth rolled away. "Yeah, okay." Summer slid off of her bed and to her vanity, sitting down.

* * *

"Hey," Marissa sighed, sitting down next to Seth.

"Hey, Marissa. How's it going?" Seth asked, turning to face her.

"Oh, you know. Whatever. Ryan's been on the phone with Theresa, like, all night long."

"Yeah? My girlfriend's been avoiding me all night long…and I'm not even sure what I did wrong this time."

"Tahiti?" Marissa reminded him. "You, a sailboat, and a three-month disappearance ringing any bells?"

Seth sighed. "Yeah…" he said. "But she took me back. I thought we were okay. I just want things to go back to the way they were."

"They won't," Marissa said. "They can't. I've spent the last four months pretending that Ryan and I can go back to how we used to be, but Seth, it just won't happen. I mean, for comparison's sake…_look_ at me and Ryan. We've both been pretending that nothing's changed, that we can just be the carefree teenagers we've always wanted to be, but the reality's different now. He's going to have a baby. Like, a real little person with his eyes, or his nose or something. And he's going to have to take care of it. And, of course, there's Theresa."

"That's a _huge_ obstacle," Seth said. "Sum and I, we don't have anything like that. We should just be able to…get back into the swing of it."

"Your obstacles are different, Seth. Her's are mental. They're emotional. It's not tangible, you can't find ways to work around it. You've got to work through it instead. And that's like, _so_ much harder."

"I made a mistake!" Seth cried, exasperated. "I apologized. Marissa, when she took me back, I thought that she was okay with all of it."

"Look," Marissa began. "And this stays between you and me, okay?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"Summer's been abandoned by her mother…twice. Her mom left, and came back, only to leave again two months later. Her dad, as well as they get along, is basically never around. And her stepmother is a total bitch. The only people Sum's ever really depended on are me, and you." Marissa sighed. "It was a big deal for her to trust you like she did, for her to love you like she did. And you pretty much, like, pissed all over that."

"Marissa, I-"

"Hi," came Summer's voice from behind Seth. Soft and pleasant. "Am I interrupting something?" She asked.

"No," he said, standing. "Of course not." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "You want to talk to Marissa?"

"Actually," she said, a smile spreading slowly on her face. "I thought we could dance?"

"I would be honored," Seth said, taking her hand. He lead her onto the dance floor and they embraced, rocking together in time with the music, her head on his chest.

"Seth," she said. "I want you to know…I want to make this work, okay? I do. But, please. You have to give me some time, you know? Take it slow? I mean, we're starting over, as far as I'm concerned. We just, can't be like we used to. I'm not ready for that."

"Why?" Seth asked. "We were so good before. We were great together, Sum. Still are."

"I don't…" she sighed. "I just don't trust you anymore, Seth. I want to. But I can't yet."

He didn't know what to say to that. So he didn't say anything at all. He simply held her in his arms, swaying to the music.

* * *

A/N: C'mon guys. Their reunion wasn't gonna be that easy! To clear up any potential confusion-they're at some Newpsie-benefity-black-tie-party-type-thing. And a short note on Marissa? I'm writing her totally out-of-character, I know. And to all you Marissa fans out there, I'm sorry. But I'm kind of hating her lately, and I wanted a more likeable character in my fic. Hence the not-quite-right Marissa. 


	7. I Can't

* * *

Still don't own it...did you guys think something changed? Sillies. 

A/N: I feel like that update took longer. I probably feel like that because it did. Oh well, I think this chapter's a bit longer. Which is a plus, I assume. Anyhow...as per usual...I loooove your reviews. So hit me up!

PS: You have my apologies for this, in advance :(

* * *

"Sum-mer," he whined. "Come _on_." 

"Seth, shut up. If you could tell me which one was best, we could be done!"

"Why can't _Marissa_ do this? Why must I suffer?"

"Marissa is having dinner with her mom tonight. And she helped me narrow it down this far already. And _she_ was glad to help." Summer flung a tank top onto her bed, glaring at Seth. "Unlike some _other _people."

"Sum, I'm happy to help, okay? I'll always help you, but it's just…clothes? I just don't care that much!"

Summer's glare intensified and she threw a boot at Seth, who narrowly avoided it. "Ass!" She cried. "This is important! It's my first day of school outfit! Didn't I spend like three hours in that stupid comic book store yesterday? Just go _away_, Seth."

"Summer," Seth said, trying to assuage her obvious anger. "It doesn't matter what wear, okay? You've looked beautiful in every single thing you've put on." She pouted, but her stare softened visibly, which Seth considered an accomplishment.

"But there has to be like, one standout, right? One that was better than the other ones?"

Seth sunk back into the armchair and settle in for another hour plus of watched Summer piroutte in front of the mirror, scanning her body for flaws that he was sure she was imagining.

* * *

Schedules were doled out-and Summer's sucked. All the AP courses that Seth and Marissa had talked her into signing up for did not bode well for an easy senior year. Advanced Precalculus, AP Literature and Composition, AP Biology, AP Government, and AP French. Seriously, what _had_ she been thinking? Summer made a beeline for the counselors office and immediately dropped Precalc for Problem Solving, and Government for Ceramics. Nobody could save her in math, and she could care less about the government. But Marissa would help her with French, and Seth was in her biology class. She'd just have to log some hours with Lit and Comp. She could handle it.

* * *

On the Monday of the first full week of school, Summer entered the biology lab and sat. She'd beat Seth there, and placed her messenger bag on the seat next to her, to save it for him. She thought it odd that she was there first, considering his prior class was much closer to the lab than hers was, and she'd paused to talk to Stacey Arlington.

He didn't show up for class. Not at all. Summer pulled out her cell phone on her way out the door to lunch. "Way to ditch without me, assface! Just kidding. Call me tonight, xox Sum." She typed, before meeting Marissa for their scheduled lunch at Jason's Deli.

It wasn't until Summer was going to bed that night that she realized he still hadn't replied.

* * *

Next day, no Cohen. Summer waited until lunch and then called him. No answer. Not on his cell phone, not on his home phone, she even tried the poolhouse line to no avail. "Where is he?" Summer asked Marissa, nerves causing her to chew on her lower lip. 

"I don't know, Sum," Marissa said. "I'm sure it's fine though. I'm sure everything is fine." She patted Summer's arm in a gesture of support. "Ryan probably knows where he is. Call him."

Summer nodded and brought up Ryan's number on her phone, pressing Talk. "Hey Sum," he said. "What's up?"

There was a time when he would have answered a call from Summer "what's wrong?" But that was then-and now Ryan and Summer were-against all odds-friends.

"Do you know where Cohen is?" Summer asked.

"No," Ryan said slowly, as though he was considering her question even as he spoke. "I don't. Is he not at school?"

"Nope," Summer said. "And he's not answering the phone either. Maybe he's mad at me? And he's not picking up my calls?"

Summer could hear the frown of doubt in Ryan's voice. "No…" he said. "I don't think so. I could call him though, if you wanted me to. You just want to know where he is?"

"Yeah," Summer said. "It's just…I haven't seen him since Friday. I haven't talked to him since Saturday morning, and now it's like, Tuesday. And it's not that I _need_ to or anything, it's just that it's weird. Because ever since August, he's called like, morning, noon, and night, plus I see him in classes and at lunch, and after school, and evenings…it's just weird."

"I get it," Ryan said, cutting off her ramblings. "Let me call him, Sum. And I'll get right back to you."

"Thanks."

Summer's cell phone rang a few short minutes later.

"Hey, Chino," Summer said, putting down the half-eaten french fry. "Did you talk to him?"

"No," Ryan said. Summer could actually _hear_ the frown in his voice. "I didn't. I called all the numbers, too. I didn't call Kirsten or Sandy though. I didn't try their cells or office numbers. But I can, if you want me to."

"No," Summer said. "That's okay. I don't want them to think I'm like, needy or anything. Because I'm not…it's just…I want to know where he is."

"I know," Ryan said. "Sorry I couldn't help."

"That's okay, thanks for trying," Summer sighed. "I'll let you go now. Bye, Ryan."

"See you this weekend. Tell Marissa hi for me."

"I will." Summer flipped her phone closed with a a heavy sigh.

"Ryan couldn't get ahold of him?" Marissa asked. Summer shook her head no. "Well, at least you know it's not he's not avoiding you."

* * *

It wasn't that big of a deal, or rather, it shouldn't have been. It wasn't like she needed Seth to check in with her or anything, but this was all too familiar. She couldn't shake the feeling that he was _gone_. Again. This was the realization of her constant fear that Cohen had simply disappeared again. On Thursday, Summer drove to the Cohen's house during her off period, and rang the bell again and again, no answer. She'd been calling and each time it went straight to the answering machine. "There's an explanation," Marissa kept reassuring her. "Seth's not gone." 

Friday night, after a week with no Seth, Summer joined Marissa on the drive down to Chino to pick up Ryan, to "take her mind off of it all."

Ryan climbed into the backseat, waving to a round-bellied Theresa who stood on the dusty porch, looking extremely unhappy with his departure. Particularly when he leaned into the front seat to kiss Marissa hello. She disappeared into the house, screen door banging shut behind her.

"Hey guys," Ryan said, settling into the backseat. "Sum, how come you came?"

"To take her mind off Seth," Marissa answered for her.

"Why, what's wrong?"

"He left again," Marissa said, before Summer could even open her mouth.

"What? When?" Ryan asked, quite apparently shocked at the news.

"I don't know," Summer grumbled. "A week ago, I guess. The assface. He _promised._"

"Seth's not gone, Sum," Ryan said. "I talked to him last night."

Summer turned around and smacked Ryan on the chest. Hard. "What! And you didn't tell me!"

"You haven't talked to him since I talked to you?"

"No!" She cried.

"Sorry," Ryan said. "I'm really sorry, Summer. I would have told you, but I figured you'de have seen him for sure."

When they reached the Cohen's house, Summer went straight up to Seth's room. He was curled up in bed, asleep. She grabbed a pillow from the other side of the bed and whacked him with it, with all her strength. "I'm gonna _kill _you!" Summer yelled. "You _bastard_!"

* * *

Seth awoke to Summer looming over him. And not in a nice way. Her face was beet red, tears in her eyes. And a pillow in her hands. A pillow that was fast descending on him. A pillow that- _ow!_- was surprisingly capable of inflicting pain. 

"Summer," he said, rolling away from her and supressing a cough. "What is your problem!" He covered his mouth, unable to keep the painful, wet cough at bay. When he recovered, he spoke up again. "And why are you crying? What's wrong?" He struggled to sit upright, shoving away piles of tissue and cough drop wrappers, patting the edge of his bed for her to sit.

"I thought you were gone, you idiot!" She cried, grabbing a fresh tissue to wipe at her eyes. "I thought you left again!"

"Summer," he said. "Why? I've been sick! I called you and left a message on your cell phone to ask you to remember to take notes in biology for me." He closed his arms around her, drawing her shaking body into his.

"I called you like a hundred times! I came by, nobody answered…" she sniffled, allowing him to rock her gently.

"I've been ignoring the house phone," Seth said gently, kissing her hair. "My parents are out of town for a wedding and I wasn't really up to answering the door. Why didn't you call my cell phone?"

"I did!" She wailed. All the stress, all the worry, all the anger she'd felt when she thought he'd left her-again-had come to fruition, and the emotion was overwhelming. Seth dug through the mass of blankets for his phone, producing it finally. The display read that he had 21 missed calls. "I'm sorry Sum," he said. "I guess I accidentally left it on silent."

He leaned back into the pillows, Summer in his arms, comforting her tenderly as she cried and cried into his arms. What felt like moments, but could have easily been hours, later she pulled away.

"Cohen," she whispered, resting her head on his chest. "I thought you were gone again."

"I know, but why? You had no reason-"

"No reason!" She cried, sitting up so fast it made his head spin. "You left before! Why _wouldn't_ you do it again?"

"Summer, please. I'm sorry you were worried, okay? I'm fine, though. I'm fine."

She shook her head, standing up. She looked down at him, all sniffly and pale, and kind of pitiful. "Seth…" she said. "I can't."

"Can't…" he said, feeling his throat close up. _No, please no._ "Can't what?"

"Us," she whispered, tears running down her cheeks freely. She didn't even try to wipe them away, deciding that she'd never keep up.

"Summer, no," he said. "Summer don't."

"Please," she whimpered. "Please don't make this any harder."

Seth got out of bed, his head spinning, though whether due to his illness or her statements he wasn't sure. He took her hand, clasped both of his around it. "Summer."

"This only made it clear," she said, her voice hoarse. "It couldn't have worked, Seth. You were unavailable…and I thought for sure you'd left. And I saw, that I've been waiting for that to happen since you got back."

"Why?" He asked.

Summer looked at him, her eyes locking with his. "Because that's what happens. People leave me," she said. She wrenched her hand away from his and fled the room, leaving a stupefied, sniffling, Seth standing alone.


	8. I Never

SO RANDOM, SO OLD...but I was going through files on my computer and cleaning up, and I found a chapter for this story I never posted, along with another chapter for "Not Summer." So enjoy, I guess, I don't think I really want to continue this story, considering it is sooo far out of context at this point.

Still don't own squat.

* * *

"Hey," Seth said, stepping up to Summer. "How are you?"

"I was better before you showed up," she muttered, downing the last of whatever was in her plastic cup in one big gulp. She started to walk away, but Seth grabbed her arm. "Seth, let _go_!" She cried, wrenching her body away. Some big guy came over, covered Summer's shoulder with a massive hand.

"Is he bothering you, Summer?" He asked.

"No, Rickie, I'm fine," she sighed. She pointed to her empty cup. "Let's get me another drink. I hear you make killer screwdrivers," she said, offering her hand.

"Yeah," he said, as the pair walked away. "The secret is…" Seth couldn't hear the secret, but it didn't matter. He felt like crying, he felt like screaming, he felt like throwing things and punching a wall. He'd messed everything up so badly.

* * *

"Cohen!" Summer cried, stumbling over to Seth. She dropped an empty plastic cup on the carpet and leaned against the wall next to him. "Cohen, do I look hot tonight?"

"You always look hot," he said.

"Would you want to do me?" She asked, lowering her voice into one that Drunk Summer probably thought sounded sultry and passionate.

"Summer, I always want you. What's going on with you?"

She stood in front of him. She leaned up. And she leaned in to kiss him. Slowly, she pressed her lips to Seth's, and even slower, he returned the gesture.

"I miss you," she said breathlessly, her lips barely leaving his.

"Me too," he panted, hands exploring the curve of her spine, the silky smoothness of her hair. "Sum, baby, I love you so much."

It was as if he'd said there was a bomb strapped to his chest. She backed away _that_ fast. She was shaking her head, walking backward away from Seth, tears in her eyes. And she backed herself right into the opposite wall. And then she turned and ran. For a girl who'd been having trouble walking not five minutes ago, she moved fast. Seth chased after her, dodging and weaving through the crowd of drunken teenagers, catching up with her at her car, where she stopped, digging through her purse for her keys.

"Fuck!" She cried. "Where the _fuck_ are my _fucking_ keys?!"

"Sum, you can't drive anywhere. You've had too much to drink."

"Don't you tell me that," she yelled, throwing her purse onto the ground, the contents scattering everywhere. "You don't know _anything_!"

"I know you're drunk," he said. Summer dropped to her knees to pick up the contents of her bag. Lipsticks were under the car, her phone was in three pieces, a compact had split in half, the cake of powder now shattered. He squatted to help her gather her things, reaching for a tube of lip gloss. She slapped his arm away.

"I don't want your help!" She snapped. "I don't want anything from you, Seth. Get away. I hate you!"

"Sum?" Someone called from the house. They both looked over. Catherine was standing in the open doorway. It was her house and she'd planned on staying sober to keep order and keep everyone safe. "Are you okay? Do you want me to take you home? Because you really shouldn't be driving, hon."

"I'm fine," Summer said, scooping the last of her things into her bag. "I'm coming back in. Need another drink."

Catherine nodded, disappeared back into the house. Seth rose, offering a hand to Summer to help her up. She ignored it, using her car to steady herself instead as she struggled to her feet.

"Are you really going to do that?" He asked. "Just, kiss me, and then scream at me? Tell me you hate me, and then go get even _more_ plastered? Are you trying to hurt me?"

"You deserve it," she hissed. "You deserve all that and more. You left me, Cohen. You sailed away and just left me. And then I took you back Seth, because I am so, so stupid. I took you back because I needed you. Because I'm a better person when I'm with you." Tears welled in her eyes, but she squeezed them away, scrubbing at her face with the heel of her hand. "But God, you left. You can't make that go away. You can't take that back. I thought I could forget about it and it would go away." She was full-on crying, and Seth ached to take her into my arms, kiss away her tears, and hold her until she'd cried herself dry. The way he used to. She obviously wasn't going to have any of that right now though; she was shaking in her anger, a fire in her eyes that he had never seen before. Seth was almost scared.

"I left Summer, you're right. But I came back, I'm still here."

"Don't do me any favors," she spat, hurling her ruined bronzing powder into the bushes.

Seth watched her silently as she tried to compose herself.

"I never should have…" Summer started, taking a shuddering breath before she continued. She pressed her palms to the cold metal of her car. "I _never_ should have let myself fall for you. Let myself love you. Or anyone." She slumped against her car and slid down it until she was sitting on the ground, forehead on her knees, shaking with tears. "Because you left. You disappointed me. I thought you were the only one who wouldn't, who couldn't. But you proved me wrong. And I tried so hard to forgive you. But I just can't. You're just like her, just like him." I reached out to touch her, my fingertips inches from her cheek. "Don't," she said, her voice harsher than I'd ever heard it. "Don't you dare."

"Summer," He said weakly.

"Get. Away. From. Me."

Seth went back into the house and located Ryan and Marissa, making out on a sofa, oblivious to anyone around them. He bopped Ryan on the head with a throw pillow. "Hey," he said, sounding embarrassed. He rolled off of Marissa and looked at me.

"What's up, man?" He asked. Marissa wriggled around, straightening her skirt. If there was a God, Marissa would be sober. Summer needed a ride home. She needed to be taken care of. Marissa was pretty much the only option she had.

"Summer needs to go home, Marissa. She's outside."

Marissa frowned. "I can't. I mean, I shouldn't. I've been drinking." Go figure. Seth looked at Ryan hopefully.

"Me too," Ryan said. "I mean, a little. So I shouldn't. Sorry man, why don't you drive her? You haven't been drinking, right? Riss and I will be out in a minute and we can all take off."

"Yeah," Marissa chimed in. "I'll just find my purse and say bye and we'll be out in a sec."

Seth walked away, muttering under his breath. He was going to find Catherine, the one person left who could theoretically take Summer home. He found her. Topless, taking body shots off of another topless girl while a cluster of guys hooted and took pictures. Fuck it. He'd have to take Summer home, and she'd have to deal with it. Seth went back outside. Now Summer was leaning slightly to her left, puking. He approached her and took his chances to crouch beside her, holding her hair out of the way. When she finished, she turned watery eyes to him. She blinked slowly her nose running.

"Seth," she whispered. "I love you. I really, really do."

"Let's get you out of here, okay?"

She nodded, allowed me to help her to her feet. He put her into the front seat, buckling her in, and she leaned her cheek against the cool window. Seth reached across the seat and squeezed her knee.

"Baby," he began softly.

"I can't." Her voice had lost the anger, lost the resentment. Now she just sounded sad, and beaten. "I can't."

"Why?" He begged, completely aware of how pathetic he sounded. "I was _sick_, I didn't leave you. It was a misunderstanding. You can't give up on us from a stupid misunderstanding."

"Seth it's not what happened last week," she sighed. She sounded almost sober, just exhausted and deeply sad. "It was a misunderstanding. But…I thought you left. I'll always think that, because you did once. If you could do it once, why not again?"

"Because I was wrong to leave, Summer, I was so, so wrong."

"You were," she agreed. They were both silent for a few minutes, waiting for Ryan and Marissa to join them. "Seth I'm sorry," she said suddenly. "But I just can't hang around waiting for you to take off again."

"I won't-"

"I can't talk about it anymore," she sighed. "I'm wasted, and I'm tired, and I feel like shit, and I'm miserable. And I can't talk about it anymore."

Marissa and Ryan appeared then, Summer's saving grace. Seth wouldn't beg and apologize anymore in front of them. So she went to sleep.


End file.
